That's what I imagined saying when we drove in through the gate on Monday. You know, that scene from Disney's Tarzan where that gender ambiguous monkey loudly proclaims that yes, indeed, the fun has arrived. No? You don't remember that one? Oh, maybe it's just me and the fact that I listened to Tarzan 34,586 times over the past week.
We drove from Tucson to Edwards on Monday after spending two nights with some good friends, the Galloways. We had actually allowed two days to drive the distance, but we were all so tired of driving/riding, we knew we needed to rip the band-aid off quickly and painfully instead of dragging the thing out. After we arrived in Tucson, we were starkly reminded how HOT it in the southwest. Holy crap. It was hot. When we stopped just north of Phoenix, I thought my skin was going to melt off. No really, It was a legitimate concern. Clay actually cried from the gas canopy to the inside of the gas station because his body felt like it was on fire. Mine did too.
So, side note here, wet heat vs. dry heat. I am here to proclaim that it doesn't matter one IOTA if it is wet heat or dry heat. Everyone always says, "Oh, but at lest it's a dry heat". When you're over 105 it DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HEAT YOU ARE IN. YOU ARE IMMEDIATELY AWARE OF YOUR CERTAIN DEMISE. I will say that under the 105 degree threshold though, there are some notable differences. In wet heat, you are sweaty and wet and breathing becomes more labored. You get a tiny bit of relief one the sun goes down, but not much.
In dry heat, you feel like you have an instant sunburn. Like your skin is on fire. A completely different sensation than wet heat. Miserable, all the same, but different. However, when the sun goes down you do get a good 20 degrees of relief. Which is really nice. In fact, sometimes you even need a hoodie at night. The only exception to this rule that I know of is Phoenix, where it is still 110 degrees at night. I am not sure, but I was told that it is because Phoenix is all concrete and it holds the heat. So there you go, your lesson for the day. I've lived in both dry/wet heat for the past 5 years and I don't ever want to hear anyone ever tell me again, "At least it's a dry/wet heat." It ALL SUCKS, ALL THE TIME.
Okay, so back on track here, our GPS was trying to take us through Los Angeles to get to Edwards, which we knew was NOT the shortest way. However, in all the craziness, we forgot to map out our way before we hit the road, so we kind of willy nilly decided we kind of remembered the way to the South gate and we could kind of 'head that direction' and the GPS would correct itself eventually. We knew to go to the 215, but couldn't remember exactly where we were supposed to meet up with 138, and so on. This leads to us wandering around in El Mirage, CA for about an hour. In case you don't know where that is, it is the middle of the desert, nowhere, California. We were heading the right direction, but going probably the most indirect way you could possibly imagine. After we could have probably gone through LA and gotten there through the west gate, we finally arrived at the south gate (I was so terrified that the south gate was going to be closed, Edwards does funny things like that for no reason). we arrive on base, unload at our tlf, and realize, "Hey, we're hungry and it's dinner time." We promptly decide to head to Panda Express on base for a quick meal and realize the water on base hasn't been working all day! YAY! ALL THE EATING ESTABLISHMENTS ARE CLOSED! Super yay! Don't y'all know that to just drive to anywhere off base is a good 25 minutes? At least? So with three hungry screaming kids we get into the car and drive where? To the west gate! You know the one we probably could have gotten to faster and while over there, gotten some food!? Hahaha! Such a funny joke after an 11 hour car ride.
We go to some burger joint where Clay proceeds to whine and throw a fit about wanting a sprite and how it's not coming fast enough. Carter spills his drink
into my purse, and then Clay refuses to eat his food. After having to switch tables twice because of spills and finding out clay isn't eating because he wanted a
soft taco, not a crunchy one (but that would have just made to much sense for him to tell us!) we scarf down what we can and manhandle the kids back into the car to make the 25 minute drive back to base.
I am sure the fun has just begun.