I always wanted a sauna

I couldn't figure out why that as soon as you walk outside here, you started sweating and couldn't stop until you stood in front of the freezer for 20 minutes. And then really, that just froze the sweat to your body. It's not terribly sunny here. But then I remembered, I'm just used to Tucson hot. It's hot because the sun shines for about 2 hours a day, and then it rains and the clouds don't ever go away. It's virtually a sauna. The heat comes, we add some moisture and the clouds keep us sweating all day long. I think we're going to invest in a dehumidifier soon.

My Place in this World

Sometimes I sing that Michael W. Smith song "My Place in this World" in my head, wondering if I'll ever find mine.
I'm not saying I don't have a wonderful life. I've produced 1 1/2 beautiful children, I have a fantastic husband, I have everything I need to live not only a livable life, but a comfortable one. I'm extremely lucky.
Sometimes though, I feel like I'm so caught up in this Air Force wife and motherhood role that I don't know who I am. I'm [insert call sign here]'s wife, I'm Carter's mother, I'm "that little pregnant blond over there". And while I'm thrilled to be blessed with a wonderful family so young I think that it's hard to unravel your own identity while you're following someone else's.
I think it's hard for any military wife or stay at home mom to keep their identity. It's something I'm pretty sure you have to work at. But, what else do I have that distinguishes me? I don't even have a college degree. I can't even be labeled as a teacher, or a nurse, or an engineer, or a clown for that matter. Sometimes it's really hard for me to be a part of conversations in 'the bar' about work or what you did before you had kids. I was a highschooler, a college student for one year and then a year later I was a wife. Which is great. I love being a wife, but I don't feel like that's my identity.
I want to be something that only I can be. I want to have my own 'specialty'. Everyone that I'm friends with is 'a wife' over 50% of my friends are 'a mom', but then they have their own identifier.
I always thought it was so neat how people from both sides of the family would/could call my mom at all hours of the day (and night) to ask for medical advice. One day I want people to call me for advice, not just give it, for whatever I decide to do. I want people to think that I know what I'm doing for once that I didn't just learn everything I know from trial and error. I want people to know I'm smart too, and that I can contribute great things to this world (other than children). I think it's easy for people to unknowingly talk down to me since I'm the youngest on mine and Cory's side of the family. I know I'm the youngest, but that doesn't mean that I don't know anything.

Second Yongsan visit = success

I went to the Dr. today. I saw a Korean doctor at the army hospital who spoke fairly good english. Enough to get all the important items across, but it's not the same weighing choices and making pro-con lists with someone who doesn't speak your language. I think we got everything across to each other that we needed to though. So, the plan is...we'll find out the sex on the 6th (that'll also be my next appointment) and we'll take things as they come. I'll continue to be seen at Yongsan since I am now officially 'high risk' or in Dr. Kim's words, "We want to keep good watch on you."
It looks like I will more than likely end up with a repeat c-section since he was trying to explain that a VBAC can be very traumatic for a preemie and if I go to 39 weeks they'll do a section anyway. So, If I can go into labor between 36-39 weeks then I could attempt one. But other than that, it's one more of the magician-saws-a-lady-in-half-routine. I'm hoping I'll at least get to meet the doctor that will be delivering me (since it all depends on who's delivering that day). I just don't think I will ever be able to silently listen to an American woman explain about her lack of choices and sub-par prenatal care again without poking her in the eye with my finger.
Oh yes it's hard when your doctor won't sit down and answer your questions as slowly and lingeringly as you'd like but at least he speaks english. Yes and I know it's hard when you've made a birth plan and you don't get to follow it. I'm sure if I showed up in that place with a birth plan I'd be the laughing stock of the peninsula. It's all about saving life, limb and sight here and unless any of those things are in danger they'll do what they please when they please and how they please or you won't get medical care at all. You actually get to pick your doctor, I basically get to hope there's one working when I got into labor. You pick the hospital (you know the one with a level 4 NICU and the best of the country's neonatal and OB team). There's not even military neonatologists on this peninsula and if -God forbid- my baby needs one he's shipped to a nearby town and Korean hospital in Suwon.
Granted, babies are born in this country everyday and are fine. I just want Americans to realize how lucky (and a lot of times very ungrateful) we are for the choices we can make.

***I need to make a correction, I believe that there is one place in the US that having a baby can be equivalently ridiculous: Alaska. Per my very good friend Erin's labor/delivery experience there. So unless you're having a baby at a military hospital OCOCNUS then keep your trap shut, I don't want to hear any bitchin'.

Everland

The huz was home all weekend (including Monday) and we were able to enjoy some quality fam time together without having to worry about traveling too much. Our car was ready to be picked up on Friday so we traveled to Yongsan and picked it up and then drove home. On the way we stopped by Everland. I'd say it's in between SixFlags and Disney Land, closer to the Disney Land side. We went ahead and bought season passes (the kids are free!) so we can go anytime we want. A lot of families go in the evening even after work to watch the fireworks at night. We could barely get in the gate before Carter knew he had arrived at the place of his dreams. He squealed with delight and ran from fountain to fountain, touched and hugged all the character statues, and smelled all of the flowers he could reach.



To finally get into the park, we had to convince him to get into the stroller. The perfect accomplice: a 3 ft. long churro



We only made it into the 'zoo' section and had a blast. They had a room full of birds that flew around and ate out of your hand, a room full of baby chicks you could hold, baby bears, baby tigers you could pet and any other animal you could think of. It was kind of strange that the animals weren't in their 'natural habitat - far away from humans, etc.'. They were all 'on display' mostly and there for our enjoyment. I know not as great for the animals, but what's neat is that the Korean kids that are able to touch and hold these animals are so much kinder and polite to these animals than any US kid would be. I kept thinking that there's no way we could have animals this close to Americans, we would feed them trash, throw stuff at them, kids would step on them, etc. That wasn't the case here.




Not to mention I learned that fish speak Korean. No wonder we can't understand them.

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.

Today, in a nutshell, was just one big headache. I was supposed to have my OB appointment at Yongsan today, but guess what? We spent the 12,500 won and took the hour and ten minute bus ride and then a 3,000 won taxi ride to the hospital. We navigated to horribly laid out building and found out...THEY WERE CLOSED FOR TRAINING! I've been looking forward to this appointment so these doctors can decide my fate of childbearing, we drug a VERY CRANKY, IRRITABLE, TEETHING, CRYING BABY on a bus and they were closed. The RN who handles the logistics of the OB clinic here told me when my appt. was and...it was wrong. Needless to say, the huz and I were a little more than frustrated. We got ice cream at the bus station and took the next one back. Carter had been doing really well without a binky during the day, but today was one of those days where you've gotta know when to give in.

Hateful

Let me start off by saying I'm an extremely proud American. I am grateful that I can sit here and type whatever I please without fear of censorship. I am grateful for our democratic processes that allow our nation to change and adapt. Most of all, I am grateful for the people who have given their lives to keep those democratic processes available to me and you. People gave their lives so that Americans can burn their own flag to the ground. Men gave their lives so that people could write and say hateful things about them posthumously. And you know what? Those men who died (as well as their families) aren't sorry for their sacrifice, even if hateful people choose to do hateful things with their liberties.
This is one reason I'm so angry and scared for this country when Gen. Clark makes comments like he did about John McCain. Who is he to judge the torture and sacrifices that John McCain went through for 5 years. And who THE HELL is Jane Fonda to 'out' those prisoners from the 'Hanoi Hilton'. I'm a peaceful person who avoids confrontation, but I've dreamt of shooting her between the eyes. I hope she dies knowing she has blood on her hands.
But I digress - Gen. Clark you're right when you say John McCain is "untested and untried". You're right that John McCain doesn't "understand risk" He can't "gauge opponents" or be "held accountable".
While I'm not saying that Gen. Clark has to agree with McCain's views (each to their own), to say something so IGNORANT doesn't reflect well on you.

**editor's note, my husband informed me that my SARCASM about Gen Clark being right wasn't coming across. Just to clarify I do not agree with his statements.

Busy

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. Our life could not be more hectic. I have tons to write about, but it will have to wait until things slow down after this weekend. Check back soon my devoted fans!

In the meantime here is an awesome video I saw on MetroDad. It made me laugh and cry. It reminds me why this world is so great. It makes me wonder why we can't just all do this and be one big happy world.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.