Not enough

Clay is losing weight again...I'm so frustrated I could scream. I know all mothers deal with feelings of inadequacy but him losing weight everytime we rely on "me" to feed him, isn't boosting my confidence.

At a loss

This was my first week without all of my 'help'. My parents left on Monday evening and Cory had already been back to work for several days. The actual getting through the day was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I was able to get everyone up and dressed and go to several play groups and meetings througout the week.
We did encounter a different, more serious problem though.
Carter vamped up his biting and hitting efforts, added hair pulling and pinching and lots of people fell victim to it this week. He bit or hit at LEAST one other child at every playgroup we went to andd at my breast feeding support meeting I think he bit three different people. None of this includes the tens of times he hits me or pulls my hair during the day. I don't say this lightly about my child, but he's a bully. He's a small, mean bully.
It'd be one thing If I could just wait for this stage to pass (hopefully it's a stage?) and hole up here in the house, but here in Osan my only escape and my only friends are at playgroup and BFSG. I don't have any other outlets so it's pertinent that we stop the behavior for everyone's sake!
We actuallly have a lady with a PhD in Early Childhood Development who can come and assess the problem, offer strategies and if need be, refer you to a specialist (In cases of developmental problems). She's coming on Tuesday and I can't wait for her to get here.
Like I told Cory, I don't care if I have to do the hokey pokey 4 times every morning before we leave the house if that's what stops this crazy stuff. Whatever works....

On a happier note, after weeks of supplementing and pumping, Clayton stated gaining weight and the last 3 days we've been weaning him off of the supplements (per Dr. orders of course) If his weight check is good on Monday we'll be completely done with supplements and he'll be just on the breast. Woohoo!

Happy Birthday Carter

Dear Carter,

These last few weeks of your 1st year have been really hard on everyone (including you.) You are so smart and curious and you let your emotions lead you. You care about everyone (especially the dog - we can't even punish her without you being upset) and I love that about you.

Your daddy and I are astonished at what you are learning every day. You're saying up to 10 new words a day and drinking from a big boy cup at meals.

You're very good at following directions (when you feel like it) and you kiss everything with a face on it goodnight before bedtime. I love that this year you learned to say 'I love you'.

You're very thrilled that we've been opening presents a lot lately and it's hard to explain to you that we can't open anymore until Christmas.

We moved across the world this year and the transition was tough for you. You went from being the oldest kid in the group to the youngest.
You tried establishing your dominance by biting, but we've mostly nipped that in the bud.

You love to color and can draw almost perfect circles. You know all of your shapes and primary colors and can count to three.

You can build towers with blocks or groceries taller than yourself and love to help cook and "fix" things with your tools. You can do all the dances to the "Wiggles" and motions to "If You're Happy and You Know It".

Even though we've added a new member to our family this year, you will always be my first born, my baby, and have a very very special place in mine and your daddy's hearts. I love you more than the world.
Love,
Mama

Not enough brain cells for a witty title

Things have been going better, and I'm hoping as I get used to this two children thing my blogging will start going better as well.
My parents and Cory have been a huge help and between pumping, nursing and supplementing, I've been able to enjoy a little of all of their company.
Cory went back to work on Wednesday and I've had several instances of being alone with the two. Carter's doing better most of the time but has starting hitting me in the face and pulling my hair. He almost took a toe off of Clayton today as well. He was biting and pulling at the same time. I was shocked that sucker was still intact.
I've talked to several of my friends and the consensus seems to be that sisters are much better big siblings than brothers....no kidding.
Clay gained weight and has another appt. on Tuesday. He'll have weight checks once a week and as long as he's gaining, we won't check his bilirubin anymore (since it was down as well).
One of these days I'll be a functioning member of society again.
But until then, everyone will have to fawn over my children from pictures since I don't think I'll be leaving the house anytime soon....

I spoke too soon

Turns out my 'champion nurser' isn't the champ we thought he was. After our appointment yesterday we discovered Clay has been losing weight and his bilirubin is back on the rise. I saw our OB nurse practitioner and certified lactation consultant and came up with at least a temporary plan of action. Clay has been latching on well, but tires easily (because he's early) and starts to slide off, so he's not efficient at getting enough but is 'satisfied' because he's wearing himself out.
Our dreams of sailing smoothly through breastfeeding have been stomped on as I glance around our bedroom and kitchen at two different breast pumps, shields, herbs for increased production, bottles, valves, formula, breast milk bags, supplementers and syringes.....
Our doctor appointment tomorrow will let us know if he's started gaining weight and please keep your fingers crossed that his jaundice is down, it may sound so selfish...but I don't know if I have it in me to be admitted again.

Merry (Dangerous) Christmas

Yesterday was the first day we had the tree up and Carter was just as excited when he woke up as I thought he'd be.
Unfortunately he was so excited that he bit into a glass ornament. Yes, just like an apple, and yes it exploded in his face and mouth. And yes I screamed and freaked out, and yes, he's fine.

And yes, he now kisses the ornaments (very gently) goodnight before he goes to bed despite our efforts to curb the dangerous behavior.

Who knows, maybe he'll grow up, join the circus and eat glass for a living. We'd be so proud...

The memories are kind of fuzzy already

When my water broke at 4am last Tuesday morning, I wasn't thinking about how my next few weeks were going to be a little fuzzy. With worrying about pee, poop, boobies and jaundice the memories have all kind of melted together, but I'll do my best to remember the tale for all of you...

Cory, Carter and I drove to Yongsan last Monday to check into the storks nest. After settling in with some groceries (that I had to put my name on so the other people I shared the house with would not eat them) Carter and the huz left me to entertain myself for several days while they hung out at Osan.
Exciting for me when at 4 am I go to the potty and my water breaks. I had actually been praying that I wouldn't be stuck there too long considering the comfort level of the bed. Cory raced to Yongsan again (in only 45 minutes) and met me in the L&D room as I was being admitted. We did a lot of hurry up to wait, as I didn't dilate at all for the first 9 hours even with steady contractions and pitocin.
I requested my epidural as soon as I was admitted and assumed the "stance". Unfortunately after 3 tries (yes, that's 3 enormously large needles probing around my spinal column) they were unable to place it. About that time was when they started the pitocin and just previous to that the baby had a large deceleration and we were warned that a c-section may be soon to follow if the little guy misbehaved again. We were afraid of having to have the c-section without a running epidural (since they put you under general then) and I was terrified of having to go through ANY kind of labor without pain relief. Let's face it, I'm a wiener.
Only then did a tall dark and handsome man riding his valiant white steed enter the room (aka the anesthesiologist that was able to place the epidural) for the fourth and final try. Sitting perfectly still (In a horribly uncomfortable position) through contractions for 2 1/2 hours while they played with my spinal cord was not the best part of the day.
Finally at about 6pm they told me I was ready to push. And....after only 40 minutes, Baby Clay was here!
It was amazing on a variety of levels, I had successfully had a VBAC, I had actually pushed a human being out of my body on my own and there was now a new human being in the room that wasn't there the instant before.
Unfortunately, although I was congratulated for being a "natural" pusher, the rest of that anatomical area didn't get the memo and I spent the next hour being stitched up like a football. They even prepped an OR for me at one point (Ooh, how exciting).
Clay did great other than having some normal preemie issues. His glucose was only a 27 when he was delivered, so he was fed formula and sugar water for the first 6 hours. He was also pretty jaundiced and spent a total of 3 days under the bili lights.
However, even with a huge amount of heel sticks, artificial nipples, an IV and days under the bili lights he is a champion nurser!
We're finally home for good (keeping our fingers crossed - we have one more Dr. appt on Monday to check his jaundice) as of Thursday and we're thoroughly enjoying his little tiny presence.